Grace
by evanscaroline
Summary: "In the eyes of a saint, I'm a stranger. We're all trying to find our way. At the death of every darkness, there's a morning. Though we all try, we're all one step from grace..." Griggs/Merthan fluff. One-shots.


Meredith Grey is not the kind of person who spends a lot of time on her appearance. She is who she is; a surgeon, a mother, a sister. She's never understood the idea of getting up two hours early just to make sure your hair and makeup looks good. Sure, Amelia's eyes look nice and sparkly above her surgical mask, with her eyeshadow perfectly placed and her mascara precisely brushed. April's perky attitude always seems to spike when it's obvious that she has touched up her bouncy, red locks. Meredith Grey, however, has never been particularly interested in the level of her attractiveness when saving a person's life. Every now and then, she would throw a braid in her hair to make it look like she actually put in effort; every now and then, she would plop on some concealer to cover up the tired bags under her eyes. Meredith Grey didn't need materialistic things to make her feel worthy and capable.

* * *

She stared at the mirror in front of her as the hair dresser foiled her hair. She was long overdue for a touch up, as she hadn't kept up with her hair since she chopped it off to a bob cut and lightened it up last year. As uninterested in makeup and vanity as she was, Meredith always made sure to keep up with herself. She didn't cake her face with makeup every day, but she always made sure her eyebrows were under control and her skin was taken care of. Her hair was an ever-changing cycle of light to dark, long to short; but she did all these things subtly. She kept up with her appearance in a way that people didn't take much notice. As opposed to most girls, who talk about their new manicure or new hair color stereotypically the first couple days, Meredith simply goes about her business as if nothing was different. Her hair was her hair, most of the time being hidden by her ferry boat scrub cap anyway. As the hair dresser stuck her under the dryer for the foils to settle in, Meredith thought back on the history of her hair.

It had always been a mixture of blonde and brown when she was growing up; in high school, she colored it for the first time. It was a color far too dark for her skin tone, but ever since then, she matched up her hair color to the events in her life accordingly. She cut it fairly short when she started medical school and colored it rather light. Medical school took up all her time and energy, so when she started her residency, it had grown below her shoulders and was somewhat a natural ombré, with her darker roots having grown in at the top and her colored blonde strands at the end.

Over the next couple years of residency, she let her natural color grow in while experimenting with different forms of bangs. Her next big drastic change came when Derek began commuting to DC. Her overall mood was darker, and as a result, her hair became darker; she had gone in to get her hair done after an argument with Derek and she left with a hair color that reflected her emotions. She didn't realize it until after the fact, but her hair perfectly resembled the emotions she felt during that time period of her life. After Derek died, she stopped paying attention to it, her grief and depression taking over her life. After Ellis was born, she decided to chop it off. Kind of like when a girl goes through a bad breakup and she cuts off her hair, only it wasn't a bad breakup. It was a situation that made Meredith's world turn upside down; she lost a part of her, forever. The decision to cut it up to her shoulders and add in some blonde highlights signaled the first big step in the road to recovery. Derek always loved her long hair, but she couldn't live her life based on the opinions of a person who was no longer there. Her first day at the hospital with her short new 'do brought many double-takes from other hospital personnel; it was the first time she had ever noticed people paying attention to her appearance. She remembers passing Arizona in the hallway and seeing her smile softly while earning almost a nod of approval. " _At the death of every darkness, there's a morning…"_

* * *

She had short hair when she met Nathan. A couple nights ago when the two of them were having dinner after a day at the hospital, he mentioned how the length of her hair now was different from when they first met. Meredith has only had short hair one or two times in her whole life, but to Nathan, that will always be his first memory of her; the short-haired, Head of General Surgery who had a lot of obvious history with the staff at Grey Sloan Memorial Hospital. The way the other doctors spoke of her, the way interns fixed their posture when she walked into a room, the way her last name was on all of the hospital's stationery; Meredith Grey had stories to tell, and he wanted to hear them.

Meredith's thoughts were interrupted when her phone buzzed in her lap.

"Mer, where are you?" Nathan's contact appeared just above the message.

She may have told a white lie and said she had to stay late at the hospital; she really did have to stay late, but only for about 20 minutes. Telling people she was going to the hair salon always started a conversation that she didn't have the energy for, so she used her go to excuse. He probably heard from Amelia or Maggie that she wasn't at the hospital anymore which is why he was messaging her. She smiled as her phone recognized her fingerprint and unlocked.

"At the hair salon. Be home in an hour." She kept her eyes on her phone as it notified her that he had read the message and the bubble popped up that signaled he was typing a response.

"Okay. But where are you, really?"

She snickered to herself as the hair dresser approached her again and began to take out the foils on her head. When the hair dresser was distracted, she snapped a quick picture of her reflection in the mirror and sent it back.

There was a delay in his response, but soon enough she felt her phone buzz in her hands again.

"…you're at the hair salon?" Meredith smiled to herself again; she could hear his accent in words of his text message, if that was even possible.

"I don't lie. See you in an hour. Make sure Zola starts her homework. Please and Thanks." She signed the message with the pink heart emoji and stared back into her reflection in the mirror as the hair dresser continued the process of freshening up her highlights. Nathan had gotten out of the hospital early and therefore picked the kids up from school, a job usually reserved for Meredith. As her appointment eventually came to a close, she paid the hair dresser and headed for her car.

* * *

The Seattle skies were dreary and grey, as they always were. Meredith climbed into Nathan's Range Rover and started the engine; Meredith's Lexus had the car seats for Bailey and Ellis, so the two had decided to switch cars for the day. She pulled out her phone from her bag to text Nathan that she was on her way before reversing the car and exiting the parking lot. She rarely got to drive alone these days; she was either carpooling with Alex, Maggie, and Amelia, driving with Nathan, or driving with the kids in the car. She enjoyed the peace and quiet while taking in the scent of the car. It smelled like him.

The sky was growing darker as dusk approached, the sun setting against Elliott Bay. Seattle was her home, and she was reminded of the beauty of the city as the radio played lightly in the background. Nathan's car was cleaner than hers; it made sense, as Nathan was a cleaner and more organized person than her. Also, Meredith's car was generally used for transportation for the kids. As a result, there were toys scattered all around, sippy cups stuck in random places, and random pieces of child clothing laying around. They would occasionally take Nathan's car when with the kids, but Meredith tried her best to keep the messiness of her children reserved for her car.

The setting sun shined in her eyes as she turned off the highway onto the road that led to her home. She reached up and grabbed the pair of sunglasses she kept in Nathan's car from the sunglass compartment on the ceiling of the car. As her home came into view, she noticed her car parked in the driveway, signaling her family's presence in the house. She parked the Rover next to the other vehicle before gathering her things and heading into the house. She entered through the door that led from the garage and took notice of the noises coming from upstairs. Over the faint sound of the television she could hear Nathan and Zola talking, presumably about her schoolwork. She smiled to herself as she made her way up the stairs and into the kitchen.

* * *

Nathan and Zola were seated at the table in deep conversation about a homework assignment. Zola had the pencil tightly as she thought deeply about whatever question was on the paper. Nathan noticed her presence as he lifted his head and smiled softly.

"Hello, love." Meredith said she leaned down and gave Zola a kiss on the cheek.

"Hi." Zola's soft voice responded, her eyes never leaving the paper in front of her. Meredith chuckled at her daughter's determination. Once she was in the zone, there was nothing that could distract her. Meredith moved to give Nathan a quick kiss.

"Nice hair." His accent evident.

"Why thank you." Meredith's sentence was interrupted as she felt little hands grabbing her legs from behind. She reached her hand back and stroked Bailey's head as she began moving to the fridge to grab herself a drink. As she turned around, she noticed how dirty the little boy was.

"Oh Bailey, dude, you're a mess!" Meredith let out a little giggle as she leaned down to pull the freezer drawer open and grab herself some ice.

"Dad and I were playing baseball outside." Bailey leaned against Nathan's knees as he looked at his mother while smiling. It didn't take him very long before he started calling him Dad. It was weird at first and she didn't know where he got the idea to call him that; but now, it made her heart happy. She wanted her kids to have a dad. She never pressured any of her kids into calling him Dad, but after Bailey started, she noticed Zola occasionally doing so as well.

"You did? Who won?" Meredith walked towards the table and placed her hand on Nathan's shoulder. She felt his arm snake around her waist and she leaned into him. Zola looked up from her homework as her and Bailey spoke in unison.

"Bailey did!"

"Um excuse me, I think you guys are both lying!" Nathan acted like he was seriously offended at the comments by the kids. Meredith giggled to herself.

"I don't know Dad, it's two against one." Meredith looked down at him as he playfully pushed Bailey's stomach, causing him to giggle and push him back.

"Yeah Dad, it's two against one." Zola mimicked her mother's tone before looking back down at her paper. Nathan looped his finger through one of the belt holes on Meredith's jeans as he and Bailey continued to playfully poke each other.

"Where's the little one?" Meredith said as she sipped on her drink.

"She passed out after we came inside from baseball. She's been down for about 30 minutes."

Meredith placed her glass on the counter, grabbed a paper towel, and placed it under the running faucet to get it wet. She then reached down for Bailey's face and attempted to wipe some of the dirt away.

"I should probably go wake her, or else she'll be up all night." The young boy tried to pull away from his mother.

"Bailey Shepherd, you are such a boy." Meredith gave up on her attempt to clean her son's face and decided to make her way upstairs to her youngest daughter's room. As she reached the top of the stairs, she could hear Bailey let out a playful squeal of laughter. Her house truly felt like a home again.

She quietly opened the door to Ellis' room and made her way over to the crib. She caught a glimpse of the little girl's eyes, signaling that the child had already woken. At the sight of her mother, the little girl sat herself up in the crib and rubbed her eyes. Meredith reached in and pushed the hair away from the child's eyes; Ellis reached her arms up to be lifted from the crib. Meredith grabbed underneath the little girl's arms and hoisted her small figure from the bed. Nathan had changed Ellis's clothes and placed her in her donut PJ's, as Meredith did almost every day after coming home from the hospital. The girl almost always fell asleep before being put in her night clothes, so her parents just began changing her into them when the evening came. Meredith placed the little girl on her hip and removed the pacifier from her mouth.

"Hi, Ellie. Did you have a good nap?" The child rubbed her eyes again before looking at her mother. Meredith kissed her on the check and squeezed the girl into a hug.

"Mommy missed you today" Meredith released her grip but the girl kept her head on her mother's shoulder. Since Amelia moved out, the little girl seemed to want to be attached to her mother at all times. She patted her on the back and began making her way through the house and back into the kitchen. She turned the corner into the living room and heard Nathan's voice from the kitchen.

"Mer, unless you have a plan for dinner, I was just going to order a pizza." Meredith walked into the kitchen and saw the three other members of the family seated around the table. Zola was still completing her homework, and Bailey was sitting on Nathan's lap while playing a game on his phone.

"Pizza's fine with me." She tapped Zola on the shoulder, and the oldest child looked up and nodded.

"Pizza it is." Nathan placed his hands over the little boys and began dialing the number; Bailey watched him dial. Ellis had looked up from her mother's shoulder at the change of lighting and was now observing the commotion in the kitchen. Meredith pulled the girl's high chair up to the table, placed her in, and began strapping her into the chair. The girl's little hands reached up to brush the hair out of her face and rubbed her eyes.

"You are such a bedhead right now." Meredith grabbed a hair tie from the counter and tied the girl's hair back from her eyes. The little girl looked up and smiled at her mother's words, not understanding a single one.

* * *

Meredith Grey was never a stereotypical mom. She was unorganized and always late to school events. She didn't sit at home all day waiting for the kids to come home from school and she didn't try to force her kids to be something they weren't. They're going to be who they are going to be and it was Meredith's job to guide them and be there for them. In the years following Derek's death, her life was a big pile of chaos and change. Bad in some ways but good in others. She never considered her family to be a normal one; two parents who work crazy hours and a seemingly never ending list of bad things happening. She didn't realize it until after he was gone, but she missed the normalcy of her family life, if that is the correct word to use. Only in the last couple weeks did she begin to get that feeling back. Coming home to a person who loves and cares about you, to the sound of little kid voices, to the image of her family being a normal family; Meredith Grey's life was finally feeling like normal again.


End file.
